Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
