My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
