I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
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I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
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Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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