you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
