Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
