i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
