I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
