True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
