its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
