There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
