I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
