how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
