So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
