I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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