I met the friendliest cop last night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
