I can tuck mytits in my pants
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
