He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
