We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
