a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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