He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
