there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
