never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize