turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
