Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
