Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
