Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Randomize
