The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Sorry my hands just texted you
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
