Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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