can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
