Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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