You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
