I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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