a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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