I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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