Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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