I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
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I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
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I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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