I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
