Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
how does that bad decision feel?
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