you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
