In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
