I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
