omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
