it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
