look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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