i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
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