My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
