I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
