I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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