We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize