you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
We have started to decorate penises.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize