piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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