Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
