Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
