In the future we'll all be gay
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
