I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If that was your dad, he is hot
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
