Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
