Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
