Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Boobs are out for the taking
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
