this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
