i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
