wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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