I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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