Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
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