Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
