Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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