I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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