My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
