I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Randomize
