Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish I only lived at night.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
